Something’s Gotta Give . . .

Fiber art piece by Anne Copeland.

Ah, that first bloom of love, when everyone is on their best and each of us seems like the perfect person that we have been looking for. They are, at this point in fact, exactly how we have imagined a lover.

That bloom can last a day, a week, a month, and sometimes even a year or so. But it seems that all of a sudden we are looking at them with different ways. We could not have seen that the male perhaps needed a mother and caregiver more than he needed a girlfriend, or that the female was such a horrible person to deal with – never giving a fellow a break, and expecting too much of him related to sharing responsibilities around the house, and in bringing in money to help with shared expenses.

Relationships are seldom equal on both sides 100% of the time. The scales are often unbalanced for one side or the other part of the time, but it works out fine if the unbalance seems to equal out.

And sometimes unforeseen things happen to all of us – an illness, a heart attack, an accident or some sort of disaster. It can happen to both people at the same time, or one can suddenly have the issue, and the other one has to make a choice to become a caregiver or be in charge of one.

There are people who give the rest of their lives gladly to their mate, taking are of them and helping to advocate for and to protect them from others who might take advantage of them during that time.

Others, the minute the mate becomes ill or has some sort of catastrophic event that is going to require being a caregiver, find it necessary to withdraw their support for whatever reason. Many women who have been dealt the cancer card encounter this situation, but I am sure as many men also have similar experiences with other physical or mental issues.

Those of us who try to follow through and take care of our significant others often run into problems. Sometimes the other person doesn’t really want to get better. For whatever reasons, that person may keep trying to remain an invalid even when in reality he or she could get better with a little effort. Perhaps that person had to take responsibility for others most of his or her life; or perhaps the person just wants to have a form of control over his or her mate. At any rate, this is when one of the other person has to make a decision whether to stay or to walk away. It is never en easy decision in either event; the longer the two have been together the more difficult it can become.

How long should a person stay and try to work things out before walking away? At some point in our lives, many of us will encounter a similar situation. There is no easy answer. But we have to respect and honor our own selves first and foremost. If we allow ourselves to keep doing something that provides no nourishment of any kind for our souls, pretty soon we will not have any soul nor any energy left to support our own selves. And the other person will not be benefiting from this either. Something’s gotta give . . .

8 thoughts on “Something’s Gotta Give . . .

  1. Anne, we watched this scenario play out in our own family. Two elderly people, both ill, trying to care for each other. One did 90% of everything, while the other just silently gave up the will to get better or to help at all. There was discussion of leaving because the weight was too much to bear. It was hard to watch.

    Then, one day it was over for one. But the road that followed was not much easier.

    This happens to so many late in life.

    Sending you love and understanding.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you kindly from the bottom of my heart, Maggie. You seem to sense when something is not just disconnected writing, but something straight from someone’s heart. I made a choice at a time in my life when I was not desperate to find someone or needing to get out of a situation. I loved this man because of his principles and the things he unselfishly did for others in his own lifetime. So it is not a choice that I will likely leave, but I understand your writing exactly. I think for all of us, even when we love our mates, it is really a painful choice either way. Peace and many blessings always, Anne

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you as always for your endless kindness, I am sure that is equally appreciated by all of us. Hope someday to have the wherewithal to reciprocate in a meaningful way. You are truly a blessing in this world.

      Like

    1. Thank you most kindly, Jennie. Life brings us some truly challenging choices and often we have to be strong even when we don’t feel strong. It might have been easier to leave something when we were younger, but there is so much more to consider as we are older, not just for ourselves, but for others as well. I am sure whatever choices people make, they are the best choices they can make under the circumstances. Thank you again as always.

      Liked by 1 person

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