As we are packing up to make hopefully the last major move of our lives, I look back and forward at the dilemmas we face in life, sometimes that we have to decide very quickly, And sometimes we have to ponder over whether we are making the right decision or not. Strangely, as many symbolic things have happened in this last month or so, I had an e-mail from the only other man I was ever married to in this lifetime. We were young, and it was during turbulent times in the U.S. People were disgusted with the government, and a branch of people decided to start buying up all the gold silver, something like what is happening now. My husband, who was a practicing architect at the time, got hooked up with some people who were buying and selling gold and silver, along with the Hunt brothers and many others. Worse still, he decided with some other good friends that if he did not pay taxes, it would help to make a difference in the government and perhaps get them to stop their foolishness. How naive people were in those days (unlike people today - really???). I was working at a full-time job and attending my last year in a university. I was not in agreement with this decision. I was going to to continue to pay my taxes. When you play the game of monopoly, you cannot play by the rules of checkers. It became more and more stressful. Our home, which backed up on an alley, and was surrounded by bushes all around, was highly susceptible for someone to come in and rob and perhaps even kill my husband. Plus there was the worry from the government itself. They were locking up protestors everywhere, and the ones they were going after first were those doing it and teaching others how to do it. Finally, under the stress and concern that I would come home and find him gone, and perhaps be taken to jail as an accessory myself, I told him that if he would not quilt doing this, I would have to leave. I simply could not take it any longer. It was a sad day after I had graduated that I packed up what I could of just my own things and drove away to start a new life and perhaps adventure, one what was free of rebellion. I would travel back and forth for the next some years to an anthropological/ archaeological adventure with a well-known anthropologist who had discovered some very talented potters down in the interior who had literally re-invented the craft of creating clay pots from just finding pot-shards. My own degree was in archaeology, so it was right up my alley. I took turns helping with running my friend's economic and free market publishing business and editing a book he was in process of publishing of his grandfather's work and filling book orders, getting the book published majorly old school in hot type, and other aspects of the business while he made trips down and back to Mexico. It was a good adventure, but I never forgot my friendship and love of my former architect friend and husband. Suddenly, just a few days ago, I received a notice from him that he was on his own once again (after what I thought was two additional marriages), but he had called to let me know his last wife, whom he had loved, had died back in January of Huntington's Disease, a horrible inherited disease that affects all the motor parts of the brain, unlike Dementia or Alzheimer's, and may or may not be inherited. It is so strange to look back on all the dilemmas I have dealt with in this life, and the choices I have made related to them. I have a significant other now, some years my junior (yes, I guess I am a cougar, but what is age but numbers?). I took him into my home and heart when he got injured on the job in this senior mobile home park, and have been his caregiver/advocate (unpaid as a volunteer) since perhaps 2016 or 17, and we live a very simple lifestyle. He became my caregiver for a short time when I had breast cancer surgery, so it was a good trade. Today we are in process of moving to another state with less issues or so we think, and hopefully where I can finally get the care he needs so much since he has two failed neck surgeries, and is now partly disabled. Perhaps life is always intended to be full of dilemmas and perhaps that was the symbol of the lives of Adam and Eve. I thought about the man, Jesus, bearing that cross, and how it too represents the life and death dilemmas we will face in our times. What dilemmas do you face today?
In this world, we tend to see things according to what we are taught, or by things we think we know because we have seen them with our eyes. But our senses are not always giving us the whole picture, or the correct picture. A lot of times we are afraid as adults of many things that don’t make any sense at all. We are afraid of others we do not know, especially if they are not the same color as we are, or they don’t speak the same language. We fail to see that they are human beings just as we are, and with the same fears and dreams and hopes, the basically same ways of relating to the earth that we do, or perhaps different, but they are still human beings as we are.
We all arrived on this earth by some factor beyond any of us. Whether it was God or Gods or some ancient power we may not understand in this lifetime, we all arrived here. That means that we are all meant to be here, and each of the cultures has its own area where it has chosen to live. We fight over property perhaps because it is rich in resources that we think we need. We don’t try to invent new technologies or new products that don’t require those resources. Instead, different cultures in the world attempt to show how powerful they are and how they can destroy any other cultures in the world. But is it altogether possible that without these other cultures, the aggressor culture will not survive for long? Is it possible that each culture helps to create a balance in nature by caring for a different part of the earth? Is it possible that even the very air we breathe is affected by the different cultures and helps to create another balance that is critical to all those who live on this earth?
We fight over the earth’s properties and resources instead of working together to get to other planets to discover what resources might be available there. Are we even intended to go to other planets, or is it our responsibility to learn how to live together on this one first? Is it possible that there are cultures living on the others also trying to learn how to live together? It is so strange because there is so much uninhabited land here on earth that could well be considered and perhaps utilized for living. And there are ample resources available to feed all the people on this plane if we all worked together.
Perhaps indeed, we are not so afraid of the darkness as we are of the light.
Ah, that first bloom of love, when everyone is on their best and each of us seems like the perfect person that we have been looking for. They are, at this point in fact, exactly how we have imagined a lover.
That bloom can last a day, a week, a month, and sometimes even a year or so. But it seems that all of a sudden we are looking at them with different ways. We could not have seen that the male perhaps needed a mother and caregiver more than he needed a girlfriend, or that the female was such a horrible person to deal with – never giving a fellow a break, and expecting too much of him related to sharing responsibilities around the house, and in bringing in money to help with shared expenses.
Relationships are seldom equal on both sides 100% of the time. The scales are often unbalanced for one side or the other part of the time, but it works out fine if the unbalance seems to equal out.
And sometimes unforeseen things happen to all of us – an illness, a heart attack, an accident or some sort of disaster. It can happen to both people at the same time, or one can suddenly have the issue, and the other one has to make a choice to become a caregiver or be in charge of one.
There are people who give the rest of their lives gladly to their mate, taking are of them and helping to advocate for and to protect them from others who might take advantage of them during that time.
Others, the minute the mate becomes ill or has some sort of catastrophic event that is going to require being a caregiver, find it necessary to withdraw their support for whatever reason. Many women who have been dealt the cancer card encounter this situation, but I am sure as many men also have similar experiences with other physical or mental issues.
Those of us who try to follow through and take care of our significant others often run into problems. Sometimes the other person doesn’t really want to get better. For whatever reasons, that person may keep trying to remain an invalid even when in reality he or she could get better with a little effort. Perhaps that person had to take responsibility for others most of his or her life; or perhaps the person just wants to have a form of control over his or her mate. At any rate, this is when one of the other person has to make a decision whether to stay or to walk away. It is never en easy decision in either event; the longer the two have been together the more difficult it can become.
How long should a person stay and try to work things out before walking away? At some point in our lives, many of us will encounter a similar situation. There is no easy answer. But we have to respect and honor our own selves first and foremost. If we allow ourselves to keep doing something that provides no nourishment of any kind for our souls, pretty soon we will not have any soul nor any energy left to support our own selves. And the other person will not be benefiting from this either. Something’s gotta give . . .