As we are packing up to make hopefully the last major move of our lives,
I look back and forward at the dilemmas we face in life, sometimes that we have to
decide very quickly, And sometimes we have to ponder over whether we are making
the right decision or not.
Strangely, as many symbolic things have happened in this last month or so,
I had an e-mail from the only other man I was ever married to in this lifetime.
We were young, and it was during turbulent times in the U.S. People were disgusted
with the government, and a branch of people decided to start buying up all the gold
silver, something like what is happening now.
My husband, who was a practicing architect at the time, got hooked up with some
people who were buying and selling gold and silver, along with the Hunt brothers
and many others. Worse still, he decided with some other good friends that if he
did not pay taxes, it would help to make a difference in the government and
perhaps get them to stop their foolishness.
How naive people were in those days (unlike people today - really???). I was
working at a full-time job and attending my last year in a university. I was not
in agreement with this decision. I was going to to continue to pay my taxes.
When you play the game of monopoly, you cannot play by the rules of checkers. It
became more and more stressful. Our home, which backed up on an alley, and
was surrounded by bushes all around, was highly susceptible for someone to
come in and rob and perhaps even kill my husband. Plus there was the worry
from the government itself. They were locking up protestors everywhere,
and the ones they were going after first were those doing it and teaching
others how to do it.
Finally, under the stress and concern that I would come home and find him gone,
and perhaps be taken to jail as an accessory myself, I told him that if he would not
quilt doing this, I would have to leave. I simply could not take it any longer. It was
a sad day after I had graduated that I packed up what I could of just my own
things and drove away to start a new life and perhaps adventure, one what was free
of rebellion.
I would travel back and forth for the next some years to an anthropological/
archaeological adventure with a well-known anthropologist who had discovered
some very talented potters down in the interior who had literally re-invented
the craft of creating clay pots from just finding pot-shards. My own degree was in
archaeology, so it was right up my alley. I took turns helping with running my friend's
economic and free market publishing business and editing a book he was in process
of publishing of his grandfather's work and filling book orders, getting the
book published majorly old school in hot type, and other aspects of the business
while he made trips down and back to Mexico.
It was a good adventure, but I never forgot my friendship and love of my former architect
friend and husband. Suddenly, just a few days ago, I received a notice from him that he was
on his own once again (after what I thought was two additional marriages), but he
had called to let me know his last wife, whom he had loved, had died back in January of Huntington's Disease, a horrible inherited disease that affects all the motor parts
of the brain, unlike Dementia or Alzheimer's, and may or may not be inherited.
It is so strange to look back on all the dilemmas I have dealt with in this life, and
the choices I have made related to them. I have a significant other now, some years
my junior (yes, I guess I am a cougar, but what is age but numbers?). I took him into
my home and heart when he got injured on the job in this senior mobile home park,
and have been his caregiver/advocate (unpaid as a volunteer) since perhaps 2016 or
17, and we live a very simple lifestyle. He became my caregiver for a short time
when I had breast cancer surgery, so it was a good trade. Today we are in process
of moving to another state with less issues or so we think, and hopefully where
I can finally get the care he needs so much since he has two failed neck surgeries,
and is now partly disabled.
Perhaps life is always intended to be full of dilemmas and perhaps that was
the symbol of the lives of Adam and Eve. I thought about the man, Jesus,
bearing that cross, and how it too represents the life and death dilemmas
we will face in our times. What dilemmas do you face today?
We really don't know a specific hour or date, but suddenly we know it is the time. It is the witching hour when all the goddesses of old come out to dance beneath and around the moon. The moon, pregnant with the bounty of harvest time, Welcomes us to share in the joy Knowing that all our tribe Will not know hunger through the winter months And so we dance once again Not knowing what the next harvest season will bring, But knowing we are in the here and now. And so we dance once again.
Milkweed plants one week after being devoured by Monarch Caterpillars
I could not believe my eyes when a week after the Monarch Caterpillars totally ate every single leave of the two plants that have also propagated themselves in several other places in the yard, and within one week, they have all come back, bigger and fatter leaves than before.
Sometimes we just need to believe that this old world will continue as it has been doing for thousands of years. Yes, I am not so naive as to believe that we do not have things like climate and environmental changes that are affecting the world. I am sure that some of the things have been happening since the beginning. I believe most sincerely that many changes in cultures have taken place because of the inability of human beings to adjust to the changes successfully. Some of the changes I am not certain humans could have adapted to very successfully such as the ice ages that took place, or perhaps the plagues. But at the same time, mankind DID in fact exist before AND after those things, so perhaps it was an accident that they survived, and perhaps they adapted more than we think they did.
Today a lot of psychology is used to convince us of this potential thing or the other thing, much as the whole world was set to collapse with the coming of the year 2000, is about to happen to us and there are more books and talks, etc. by all kinds of people telling us what we need to do to survive. And of course it IS fully possible that this thing or that thing could cause total destruction of our world at any given time, but the truth is if that happens, I don’t think we need to worry about it anymore.
If, like the cycle of life that I witnessed in my Milkweed plants, this old world goes on, why not just continue to do what makes sense and stop worrying about destruction or the rest of the “what if’s”. When and if they happen, we will deal with them as we need to then, and we will hopefully learn from our mistakes. There is really no guarantee either way.
Enjoy the moment. Appreciate the air we breathe. Look for the beauty all around us. Find miracles in the everyday events. Remember not to always worry about tomorrow because the reality is that when tomorrow comes, it will also be today. Tomorrow is just a way to avoid being fully alive today. Trust, because trust really is something that can benefit us all. I am glad I trusted those caterpillars eating the Milkweed plants and gave the world a chance to do what it does best. Someday I know those Monarch butterflies will show up, and when they do I will be glad that I gave the world and myself this gift.
Monarch Caterpillar devouring Milkweed courtesy of Bing.com
Now if you were to see this creature happily munching away on your beautiful milkweed plant, you would, without further identification, be tempted to get the spray and put an end to it, especially when it appears in large numbers, all chomping away at the same time.
Something about this creature was so magnificent that I paused to think about the cycle of life. Yes, the Monarch butterfly is beautiful, but it could not exist without this little creature happily munching away in preparation for its creating a cocoon to become something even more exquisite.
Can you believe that the beautiful caterpillar became this magnificent creature? Photo courtesy of Bing.com
Life is full of surprises, isn’t it? We never know how things will turn out. I remember well the song, Que Sera, Sera, when the girl singing is asking her mother whether she will be beautiful and loved when she grow up, and her mother tells her “Que Sera, Sera . . .” (Whatever will be, will be.) So perhaps in the destruction, perhaps temporary, of the beautiful milkweed plant that nourishes the Monarch butterfly, it too will return after its purpose is accomplished. I noted how many seed pods opened up and let the seeds with their fine feathery parts fly away to start more milkweeds. I know now that this is a beautiful life cycle that I will never fully understand, but I will always support for the rest of my life.
I have already decided to give my body to Science Care when I am gone so that perhaps just one part of me can help to nourish or make possible someone else’s life. My significant other, Richard, told me that his son was horrified when he told him that Richard and I are both donating our bodies. I guess my dead body could nourish the earth too as it decays and becomes fertilizer, but perhaps another human being needs desperately something, and I would love to see life go on. . .
P.S. For those of you who read Part I of a post below by Steve Tanham of the UK, you can read Part II under Sun in Gemini. Thank you kindly.
All in a Day's Breath 
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