A Time for Tears

The last few days have been a true challenge in my life. My art quilting career has spanned nearly 20 years, and though my work has not been award winners, it has made me very satisfied, for I am not a person who wants to ever be competitive. It is not who I am. I make things that speak to me spiritually or in which I find humor. I have participated in group projects or challenges, but they are not competitive in nature.

For some reason, I suddenly wanted to access my quilts for I have a few that I have out next to my sewing machine that I have worked on or thought I could get to working on soon. Being a caregiver for my significant other has not left me much time or energy for such things, but it has given me a great desire to create again. When I think of how I feel when I am creating, I guess it is somewhat like Peter Pan and how he could fly away to places unknown where adventure always awaited him with opportunities to be who he really wanted to be.

I looked in the places where I would have kept my quilts, and I realized that they were not there. And as I looked in other places where I might have been able to store them, I realized that they were not in those places either. I have had quilts I collected and used in my studies and giving talks and teaching quilt restoration classes stolen so theft is not new to me. But this somehow struck my heart like the sharpest of arrows, for I just posted one of my mother and me, and another I wrote some words on about death shortly after she died.

This time I am not sure if it was the people where I lived in Calimesa – a bunch of senior bullies and drug addicts and drug selling/human trafficking people who had, back in 1994, assaulted and bullied me until I developed severe PTSD. I am just giving a tiny bit of what was done to me, but to this day, it still comes back to haunt me at times. I have my second degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in law, and I had thought I would become a mentor/advocate for juvenile delinquents, but the cancer surgery in 2016 and my age then – 74 – was against getting hired for that even though I have previous excellent experience when I worked with a high school department for juvenile delinquents.

Right now it appears that a large number of my art quilts have been stolen. The reality or possibility of that was overwhelming, and I just had to lie down and sleep, or try to meditate for the last couple of days. Today I am moving forward, working on my Pumpkin cookbook, which is in its 3rd revision, and I will likely put into print before the end of this month. Yes, my heart is somewhat broken from things I put my love and best efforts into, but at the same time, here I am going on 78 in November, and I believe that I can make more quilts if I so choose. Perhaps not everything we create is meant to live on forever, just as we don’t likely live on in our present life form forever. I feel more saddened for the people who do these evil deeds, for they have lost something that cannot be regained when they continue to do these things – their compassion and humanity.

I have lived a difficult and challenging life, but I still have compassion for others, and I still do work or deeds every single day to try to help others in this lifetime. So I have only to look back on life and see how far I have come, and to thank those who did such terrible things directed at me, for it is those people who have made me strong. Yes, I will cry at times, and I will mourn, but I will get back up again and start over as many times as I need to and am physically and mentally able.

18 thoughts on “A Time for Tears

  1. I am sorry to hear about your quilts, Anne. I am not a stranger to theft either. I took one of my paintings to an art dealer to frame, and he told me someone was interested in buying it, so I left it there. The next thing I knew, he had closed the gallery and absconded with all of the paintings that were there. I never heard from or about him again. It is disconcerting to say the least. But you have the right attitude about it and that will carry you through anything. God bless you.

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  2. Thank you very kindly, Len. It has been an extremely difficult week that way, but I always get back up and am ready to go again. But I have found that we have to give ourselves a time to mourn when things happen that affect our heart strings. I had to put one of my dogs down today and we are having trouble getting our car fixed, so try to be a good caregiver for my significant other, Richard, and all these things are a lot to manage, but I always get up after a short mourning period. I found it is good to mourn so we won’t stay depressed. Thank you most kindly, Len. Yes, it sure is the human condition, but we do get through it.

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  3. Thank you kindly, Savvy. I don’t often feel bad about the things that I lose, but this hit me somehow as something only a demon could do. Why would a person take someone’s pieces of art when they likely know nothing about art? If they think they can sell it, that doesn’t even make sense, but I guess a lot of evil things that are done today to innocent people don’t make any sense at all. We are a world gone mad to a large extent, and there are far worse things than losing art. Thank you again. Yes, I am doing what needs to be taken care of and so it will be ok. Hugs and blessings always, Anne

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  4. I have found some of them that I thought were stolen, but there are still some missing. But we never know what is going on in the minds of people who steal our things. I feel as you do that I hope someone benefits from the theft in a positive way. Thank you so kindly, Jennie.

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  5. It is as though I was meant to receive some sort of message about allowing my creative energies to return to me, and perhaps that is what this is all about. I am glad I found them. I had even forgotten some that were very special to me, and I still have not found others, so I have no explanation. Thank you kindly and it is good to hear from you.

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    1. Thank you kindly, Jane. Some of them have been found, and right now there are a couple left that I can think of that I have no clue what happened to them. I have had quilts stolen before – last time I had a huge theft, it was part of a collection of quilts I used to give talks and do research. I am pretty sure I know who did it at the time and reported it to the police, but the policeman got tired of taking down information and never really followed up properly. Anyway, I guess though it is difficult for any of us who are creative to go through such a loss, sometimes something good will ultimately come out of it. I have yet to find what, but I am sure it is there. Thank you again so much for your kind thoughts.

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  6. I’m sad you lost them and glad you found some. I hope you are back to quilting. Caregiving is more emotionally draining and all consuming than I can imagine. And the more you give to yourself the more there is. I’d love to see pictures of what you’ve done…. good luck with your third book!
    Love, light and glitter

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    1. Hi Eliza, I will post over time some more of the quilts I have made, and perhaps some I have lost if I have photos of them still. Thank you kindly. Yes, the third book is getting worked on now, and will hopefully be out this month. Thank you very kindly. Hugs and much light and joy, Anne always

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