The Gift – Part III

“Lady in the Dark” – courtesy of Pexels.

Instead of warning parents that there might be something a child should not read in this post, I would rather talk straight to the child. If you are a child who is old enough to read this, I want you to understand that this is a true story of my own life. If you are having any challenges in your own life, I want you to be sure to find someone you can trust to talk to. If you are being bullied, I want you to understand that you are not the problem. You are a wonderful young person, and others who might be bothering you may have their own problems and they don’t like others who they believe have what they don’t have.

If you have problems with your parents, please call 211 and let them know that you need to talk to someone about it and they will help you. Don’t allow anyone – your parents, your friends, or bullies – to ever hurt you. There is nothing about you that deserves that, OK? You are a miracle in this world, and you are here because you are needed here. And especially, I never want you to ever hurt yourself – ever. You might not know it, but if you hurt yourself, you WILL hurt other people who love you. The earth needs you to help take care of it. And other children who hurt may need you to help them too. Be good to yourself and take special care of yourself. If you read this and it makes you feel bad, please talk to someone about it and why it makes you feel so bad. You are loved by others in this world. I love you and want you to be ok. Thank you forever for finding me.

“The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends and where the other begins?” – Edgar Allen Poe from The Premature Boundary.

What makes a person think about taking his or her own life? Is it a matter of confusion of his or her identity, whether physical, mental or emotional? Or is it something that is caused by others – parents, friends, or even people we really don’t know? Is it that the person cannot think of another alternative to stop his or her pain?

When we think of people wanting to end their own lives, we tend to think of adults. But children, some very young, think of and sometimes end up taking their own lives. It is really sad because this world needs all of us here to help it live. And we are here by some great and magical design.

I reached that point when I was just ten years old. One day, and I am not even honestly sure what happened to bring me to that point, I went into the bathroom at my uncle’s apartment where I was staying with him and his boyfriend, and I cut my wrists. My uncle and his boyfriend were at work, so there was no one there to help me afterward. I can’t say I felt sad. I couldn’t feel anything mentally or physically. Luckily I guess, I did not cut them deep enough to die, so after watching the blood coming out of my wrists for awhile, I got some bandages and put them over the cuts. That night when I went home and sat at the table with everyone in my family, no one seemed to notice or ask me any questions about why I did it. This was how my family was, and what I lived with every day I still lived with them.

I want to say that this would not be the last time I would do this or try to end my life some other way. I think there were a lot more than 20 times of doing this. I am still here to tell this story, so I was not successful, but there were several times in my life that nearly truly ended my life. But as I have told you, we are all on this plane because of some miraculous design. We need to be here to help each other and to help this earth. If we were not meant to be here, we would not be here.

So no matter how bad your pain is or how much it seems like a good idea, trust that it is not. You do not deserve to die. You need to live like me. Yes, I suffer with mental pain all the time, and it is hard for me at times to want to live, but these days I try very hard because I know that I might just save one other life, or I might find a way to help someone or some animal that might make a difference for someone else. This is the way the earth works. And so we can all live here and find something good to do for each other and for the world. LIVE!


18 thoughts on “The Gift – Part III

  1. Your words to any children reading this are inexpressibly beautiful. I’m so sorry for all the pain you walked through, and my spirit rejoices that God has preserved your life for His special purposes and His great love for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you most kindly, Jennifer. Like many people who suffered in their lives, I have lived for some 77 years with all these secrets inside me. And they have hurt me a lot, causing me to want to hurt myself, when in fact, I never did anything that was wrong. Like a poison that flows in the body, it is important to get it out.

      I have known of a number of young children who have committed suicide, and I have a number of friend who did as well. All needless pain and suffering, and then there is the life of pain that comes for those who loved them. It is a needless chain of pain for so many that need not happen.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so deeply sorry for all that you have walked through, Anne. The ministry Jesus has given you to help others who are suffering is indescribably precious. I am praying right now that the Holy Spirit would encourage, strengthen, and continue to heal your heart as you walk forward in His purposes for you. Again, thank you so much for sharing your heart ❤


  2. Heartfelt words no child should have to walk alone and be afraid as you did…But here you are stronger and wanting to share which is cathartic for you and may help another sad little soul and give them hope…Nicely written and expressed …Hugs xxx


    1. Thanks, Carol. We had a 13-year old girl just a few blocks away hang herself because the kids at school were bullying her about her braces. So sad. And I have had two friends commit suicide, and both were so talented and knew so much. So truly terrible for those they left behind in all those cases. I thought about it a long time how I wanted to approach things because people like that really do need help. I think of how different my own life might have been if anyone had been there for me when I was having so much terrible difficulty. Well, I am glad I can give back to the world. I decided that I am going to not hold back the story, but approach it differently as I have so far so it will teach people things, but not be too depressing because if someone is really having a hard time, it will be too much for them to deal with. Thank you kindly. Hugs, Anne

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That is really hard to go through. I think the people who follow through and do this never realize that others may be hurt in the process. I am certain that my brother and my grandma would have been devastated. I am trying to make a difference to help others now in a variety of ways. It helps me too. The other day I posted on one site to a lady who was talking about having some developmental challenge that was undiagnosed, and I wrote her a positive (I thought) post, but when she wrote back, she told me it was dangerous for people like her to read things like that. I thought that was very odd, but she apparently did not want to change. She was clearly depressed and saying she was destined to be lonely all her life. I can never understand It all.


  4. My Dear Anne, I am really sorry to hear what you have been through as a Child. You, like me, decided after some trauma in life to be good and kind to the others to rebalance the world because after so much of pain and sadness, love and happiness have to BE in that world too.
    And I guess this is the reason why we look so positive and good energy come from us.
    I allow myself to say “we” and “us”, because even if I had a beautiful childhood, being a young adult has been terrible to me, so I know and understand the words: violence, humiliation, loneliness,…
    Much love My Dear Anne.


  5. You have a very pure and sweet heart,Zenaide. Yes, life can be and is cruel often. The damage done to us and our ability to be open and accepting of others is diminished, and that is very sad indeed. But we do get blessings from the things we suffer. As I have noted before, we cannot learn compassion unless we too have “walked though the fire” as you and I have at different times in our lives. Our journey would not be as meaningful or to help us grow spiritually without the challenges. Our task is to overcome these things done to us no matter what age we were when they happened. Mine has continued the 77 years of my life, so I think for any of us, whether it was for a day, a month, years, or a lifetime, the damage is done. And so we need to release the poison that is like the bite of the most poisonous snake, killing us little by little, sometimes quickly, and sometimes over a long time – even a whole lifetime. We never need to walk in shame, pain or mourning for what is lost in us, for we did not create it, and we do not deserve it. I wish you the days of a sunflower, always turning its head to the sun. Bless and keep you well and safe. Find a way to overcome the things you have suffered that will help others as I have. It is ok. You need never hide who you are as a human being. You are a beautiful human being with so much compassion already for others, so learn to share some of that with your own self. My very favorite saying from an old actress and writer of the book, Advice from a Failure, is this: “Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.” There is something reassuring about this. We are going to wake up with ourselves every single day for the rest of our lives. So to promise to take care of that wounded person inside is a most sacred trust.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, the suffering makes us strong if we can weather it, Zenaide. It helps us and we will be OK in this life. I am ok now. I have a loved one, and all my little pets, who give me much pleasure. It is because of these things that I can be so creative, so don’t despair for you too are a creative and beautiful person and will always bring beauty and joy into the lives of others.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for letting me know that you are OK now.
        Me too, I feel good, I feel confident for the future and for my present as well.
        I have acknowledged the fact that I am a kind and generous person so I cannnot allowed people to hurt me. Because at the end I am the master of my life.
        I have learnt to take good decisions, and to accept my mistakes.
        Also I have a loved one and 2 cats who give me so much joy.
        And to conclude this message on a happy note: I have redesign my blog: it is named (La Petite Capsule)
        As I love encouraging people in their art, I have decided to create a place where people can share their passion.
        It would be great for me if you could have a look and tell me what you think.
        my Beautiful anne, this is such a blessing for me to have you in my Life.


  6. Hi Zenaide, What I see when I go to is a network service which looks very good. I love that it immediately translates to English, and I don’t understand the prices, which are apparently French money (I am not knowledgeable in the rates. But this should be a very good service. I think that the service must be good. I am not technical enough to understand it all, but what I understand is that it is a server and can provide domain names, etc. and perhaps build sites for you? Well, it looks very good and it is good that it can be translated into other languages too so you can serve people in other countries. This is not my strength, so I hope what I see and understand is helpful to you. It looks very well designed, and I am sure people CAN benefit from it for sure. Is there a way to convert the French dollars into English too? I think that would be helpful for a lot of people. I wish I understood this kind of technical things more. Thank you so much.

    I am glad that you have a loved one too and your cats. This is a big help for us all to have a person who loves us truly and also we have animals to comfort us and we are there for their comfort as well. I appreciate you very much, and it is a blessing to have you in my life too. You have a beautiful and kind spirit and don’t ever lose it. I am glad for the day I met you. We will be friends forever and a day. Hugs, Anne


  7. Thank you kindly. I think the best way to protect children is not to withhold or hide information from them, but to find ways to talk to them about whatever you need to tell them. I did the best I could knowing that perhaps some children had managed to get into the text. I was careful not to go overboard, but to speak reality for me in this situation. And I made sure to get a word in about what to do if accosted by an adult in a wrongful way. For some reason, these last few years we have had so much of children molested by teachers in schools, and I am seriously wondering what the parents are doing. If any child of mine ever had someone that was bothering them, because of my own experience, you can be sure I would know about it, and make sure that it would never happen to anyone ever again. It is good when we have any kind of experience that any child or even a young adult might experience to use it for the good to help educate them. I believe that everything that happens, no matter how bad it is, has a good aspect that can come from it in this life. I have read enough books to know the truth of this, and it not only helped know what to look for, but gave me the courage to stop trying to protect my own self from having anyone know about it because of shame, but also to stop trying to protect even my own parents, for they knew fully what they were doing, and there is no making excuses for them. I remember when I was young having a dream where the whole world was in total chaos, and a voice came as if from the heavens and said, “Maybe it’s your breath.” It didn’t mean that I had bad breath, but the fact that I was alive that was causing all the problems. You see, I had clearly accepted the guilt that everyone told me was my fault, when indeed I was an innocent victim. So that would never happen to me or anyone else if I can help prevent it.


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