Instead of warning parents that there might be something a child should not read in this post, I would rather talk straight to the child. If you are a child who is old enough to read this, I want you to understand that this is a true story of my own life. If you are having any challenges in your own life, I want you to be sure to find someone you can trust to talk to. If you are being bullied, I want you to understand that you are not the problem. You are a wonderful young person, and others who might be bothering you may have their own problems and they don’t like others who they believe have what they don’t have.
If you have problems with your parents, please call 211 and let them know that you need to talk to someone about it and they will help you. Don’t allow anyone – your parents, your friends, or bullies – to ever hurt you. There is nothing about you that deserves that, OK? You are a miracle in this world, and you are here because you are needed here. And especially, I never want you to ever hurt yourself – ever. You might not know it, but if you hurt yourself, you WILL hurt other people who love you. The earth needs you to help take care of it. And other children who hurt may need you to help them too. Be good to yourself and take special care of yourself. If you read this and it makes you feel bad, please talk to someone about it and why it makes you feel so bad. You are loved by others in this world. I love you and want you to be ok. Thank you forever for finding me.
“The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends and where the other begins?” – Edgar Allen Poe from The Premature Boundary.
What makes a person think about taking his or her own life? Is it a matter of confusion of his or her identity, whether physical, mental or emotional? Or is it something that is caused by others – parents, friends, or even people we really don’t know? Is it that the person cannot think of another alternative to stop his or her pain?
When we think of people wanting to end their own lives, we tend to think of adults. But children, some very young, think of and sometimes end up taking their own lives. It is really sad because this world needs all of us here to help it live. And we are here by some great and magical design.
I reached that point when I was just ten years old. One day, and I am not even honestly sure what happened to bring me to that point, I went into the bathroom at my uncle’s apartment where I was staying with him and his boyfriend, and I cut my wrists. My uncle and his boyfriend were at work, so there was no one there to help me afterward. I can’t say I felt sad. I couldn’t feel anything mentally or physically. Luckily I guess, I did not cut them deep enough to die, so after watching the blood coming out of my wrists for awhile, I got some bandages and put them over the cuts. That night when I went home and sat at the table with everyone in my family, no one seemed to notice or ask me any questions about why I did it. This was how my family was, and what I lived with every day I still lived with them.
I want to say that this would not be the last time I would do this or try to end my life some other way. I think there were a lot more than 20 times of doing this. I am still here to tell this story, so I was not successful, but there were several times in my life that nearly truly ended my life. But as I have told you, we are all on this plane because of some miraculous design. We need to be here to help each other and to help this earth. If we were not meant to be here, we would not be here.
So no matter how bad your pain is or how much it seems like a good idea, trust that it is not. You do not deserve to die. You need to live like me. Yes, I suffer with mental pain all the time, and it is hard for me at times to want to live, but these days I try very hard because I know that I might just save one other life, or I might find a way to help someone or some animal that might make a difference for someone else. This is the way the earth works. And so we can all live here and find something good to do for each other and for the world. LIVE!